I need to learn to can it. Seriously. Shall I elaborate? Well, yeah, duh, that's kinda like the whole point I started this anyways.
Today I chilled out with Hannah, drinking bubble tea and doing things that normal people do when they meet up for stuff: Talking. What really scared me was the fact that there were instances where I just went on and on... Which is really one of my traits, I tend to talk, a lot. Oh sure, there were parts where she spoke up, and gladly I listened! After all, I met up with her to hear about her life and hear what she has to say and what she thinks and feels and...
I think I pretty much dominated most of the conversation.
So the problem isn't that I don't listen, but that the other person doesn't even get a chance to speak at all. Problem? Indeed, and it's not just her, it's basically anyone I talk to, unless that person happens to be like, super forceful of his/her own, and can literally force me back and be forced back by me. That makes for rather dynamic and equilibrium-ish conversation, no?
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Still, today was awesome, always feels great hanging out with her, always feels great hanging out, full-stop!
Operation on 23rd March. O Lord, be with me
University stuff sent in, I'm shaking and super scared that I won't make it in. O Lord, be with me.
Goodness, aren't I the hypocrite, running back to God when I need help, then happily abandoning Him when all's well. It's pathetic really, and I hate myself for it. Hate hate hate hate hate...
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I'm self-loathing, but ironically it makes me self-absorbed. Stupid, I'm too stupid to even pull myself out of my own stupidity in spite of being aware. Lol
God bless y'all!
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